But Insanity is FREE!

With all the brouhaha surrounding the big Mega Millions lottery this past weekend, my curiosity got the better of me and I started reading the online articles about the possible winners and the McDonald's employee who is trying to scam her co-workers out of their share and all that other muhlarkey.

What I find so incredible is the history of some past lottery winners and what became of them and their caches of cash.

For the life of me I will never understand how someone can win multiple millions of dollars (AFTER taxes) and then within the space of 10 years (or even less) they are practically destitute. Wait. Wha--? HOW?!?!!?!

Even if, for the sake of those who foresee the complete and total collapse of our banking/internet/governmental bodies, a winner CASHES their win - by cashes, I mean takes payment in the form of bags and bags and bags of paper dollars and some change, the complete divesture of such sums would be a full time job.  How did those people do it?  It boggles my mind.

Now, for the best part and you know you've been waiting for it, here's what I would do if I ever won:

1.  Hire a board certified estate lawyer to create a family trust to receive the winnings.
2.  AVOID ALL INVESTMENT SOLICITATIONS.
2.  Hire a CRAZY EXCELLENT accountant (for future tax purposes).
3.  Create separate living trust for the Bear.
4.  Write out 9 checks each for $1 million.  The recipients are parents and chosen charities.
5.  Receive interest earnings ONLY for every day living.
6.  Buy new vehicles (total cost approximately $80k)
7.  Pay off current mortgage + buy vacation home in mountains (total cost approx $600k)
8.  Live comfortably but not in big pimpin' style for the rest of our lives.
9.  Leave an incredible fortune to the Bear to hopefully perpetuate another good life for him and his family and so forth.

See?  I have a serious plan.  Now all I gotta do is WIN.

1996 Cadillac Seville Found Guilty

With all the furor over the Florida teen who was shot and killed on February 26, 2012, the gun control issue is once again hiked over liberals' heads as to what is really the culprit in this tragedy.

Although I can't figure out what circumstances must exist for a shooting to be blamed on gun control, it nevertheless seems to be what anti-gun folks latch on to in an attempt to further their own argument for stricter gun control laws.

Here's a little cliche that I am very fond of throwing around, not only because it makes reasonable sense - it's the frakking physical truth!!! - "Guns don't kill people.  People kill people."

A gun is an inanimate object.  It makes no decisions for itself nor does it undertake the impossibility of putting itself in a human being's hand.

The same can be said of a vehicle, a kitchen knife, a plastic bag, a zip tie, a rock - all inanimate objects that, in the hands of a human being, can be used to kill someone else.

I'm not here to argue the case for or against Mr. Zimmerman.

But I wish people who lay the lame blame on guns for shooting homicides would grow a brain cell or two before they open their ignorant mouths.

Can I Get a Re-Do on That?

Okay, okay.  I'm gonna eat a little crow here.  Hopefully it goes down a little easier with some refried beans and fajitas . . . .

I will say this for New York and the Jets . . . . what I'm seeing out on the internet . . . they are showing Tim some serious football fan love.

And that makes me smile.

It's All Over

but the agony.

Tim is officially a Jet. There are few other things I can think of that would cause me such pain except maybe having my fingernails plucked out one by one with pliers or using lemon juice to rinse my contact lenses.

How do I reconcile my possibly inappropriate love of Tebow and my abhorrence of New York sports teams?

I'm not a drinker so I'm thinking dangerous amounts of chocolate and/or root beer may be involved.

And the results from a local poll in Denver gives me a little comfort too.

You Should Know

I have a lot of pet peeves, most of them to do with manners and personal hygiene but today's pet peeve is brought to us by none other than Mrs. I-Know-Everything.

Crazy as it may sound, I do have a little experience with my job.  I've been doing the same thing for approximately 22 years.  Suffice it to say, I think I've picked up a few pieces of knowledge along the way.

So when a client starts telling me this needs to be done and that should have been done before this was done and the Judge in that court can sign off on an order in that other court so we can keep moving along with our stuff.  Dontcha know?

No. I don't know.  What I DO know is this: we don't tell the court clerks or the judges what they are going to do and/or when they are gonna do it.

I play very nice with the clerks and their judges because you know why?  Because at the end of the day, those folks can make my job very miserable and very non-productive.  Kind of what Mrs. Know-It-All is doing to my billing hours* today.



*time spent blogging not included

John Elway is DOUCHE

I'll be the first to admit that I'm no football genius.  I know enough about the game and players to enjoy it and spend some of my hard earned dollars buying the NFL's overpriced licensed sh*t.

But the situation in Denver with John Elway and Coach Fox and Peyton Manning has me straight up pissed off.

Okay, okay, so Tim Tebow isn't the highest caliber quarterback in the NFL. We all know and acknowledge that.  Tim himself would readily agree with that. But wait a minute! What's that you say? Yes, yes, you make a good point!

NOBODY was the "best" quarterback in their 2nd year in the NFL.  Certainly nobody was ever considered the best quarterback in the NFL after their first 8 games actually ON THE FIELD.

John Elway's ego is splattering its crap all over this deal.  He can NOT stand the fact that Denver Bronco fans (which, let's do some math here . . . there's a whole NEW generation of fans in the bleachers who never even saw Elway play) have some serious love for their crazy popular, inconsistent new quarterback.  Elway doesn't want ANYONE to be successful in Denver and that is the straight up truth.  I hope while he was hanging out with King Douche, Peyton saw what kind of person Elway really is and I hope he saw his future with Denver bright and clear: Elway condescending to Peyton, undermining Peyton's leadership on the field, basically putting it in Peyton's face that it will be Elway's way or nothing.

I think Peyton is a tremendous quarterback.  I also think his day in the sun is done.  Considering his neck repairs, I just want the guy to walk off the field under his own power without crutches or a walker or a wheelchair.  I would hope that he would like to be as healthy as possible and go out on top.  He's still relatively "young" out here in the real world.  He's stinking rich.  He needs to enjoy his good health and his family.  I have serious concerns that he is going to set himself up for a debilitating injury that will decrease his quality of life off the field.  It's disappointing to see him looking so hard for a new team.

At the end of the day, I want Tim Tebow to be happy. He deserves to be with a team that WANTS him and sees the investment of helping him evolve into a great quarterback is worth the time and effort.

AND I see a Super Bowl ring in Tim's future.  But maybe not one in Elway's.

White Trash Rich

First let me qualify this post with the statement of fact that Big Daddy is a very intelligent individual.  He is also somewhat of a brat.  You'll understand in a few . . . .

Having relocated three years ago, and due to circumstances etched in concrete, we put our former home on the market to be sold.  I'm pretty sure I don't have to draw a diagram for anyone in an attempt to explain the complete pile of crap that is the housing market.  Needless to say, our former home is still on the market and after three years of renters (to pay the mortgage that we could not continue making when we moved), the former home?  She's not so nice and neat now as she is ragged and sad.

I am HORRIFIED at the condition of the house.  But just short of kicking out the renters and paying the mortgage ourselves, thereby putting a significant strain on our monthly budget, our only choice is to continue renting it until someone buys it.  And with the market and the lack of care . . . chances of selling it for what it would have been worth during a strong market are none to zilch.  So we will be taking a significant hit on the price just to unload it.

Here's where Big Daddy and his intellect come in.

It is time for me to get a new truck.  For the 25+ years I have been driving, I have always had a car payment.  I've never not had one.  My thinking is that I would rather have a newer, financed vehicle than deal with an older paid for vehicle that will probably require more than maintenance expenses.  Besides, I'm a car hound and I appreciate a sharp vehicle as much as the next guy.

So with me needing a new truck and my current truck only 3 (THREE!!!) payments away from being paid for, we figure once we get the house sold, one of the first things to do is acquire my new truck.  Big Daddy will keep my old one because it's still in really good shape and, since he has a take-home patrol unit, he doesn't drive a personal vehicle but maybe 2 or 3 times a month.

We have the potential profit split in two: half to spend and half to put aside.

My plan is to take a chunk of the profit and put it towards a new truck - maybe end up with a $200 or so monthly payment (as opposed to the current $500 payment).  Then take another chunk and put it towards the condo we want in the mountains (which pays for itself each month + some with rental income).  Then the rest would be put in the IRA.

Big Daddy's plan?  PAY CASH FOR A BRAND NEW TRUCK. Period.  That's it.

While I appreciate his thinking that it would be nice to be without a payment every month, I cannot get on board with his "white trash rich" budgeting strategy.  I like to think that we can get our money to do more for us than just buy one overpriced vehicle.

Did I mention Big Daddy is a brat?  Yes.  Well, he thinks pouting is going to work in his favor.

He thinks wrong.

Fear the Mullet!!

No. I'm serious.  There's a chance that there may be mullet in my future and not in a good way.

A couple of high school alumni and myself got together this weekend and decided that with our 30th (e-gads!) reunion coming up, we wanted to make it a good one.  BUT, our class is notoriously a low-show on the organized get togethers.  So we (the Co-Chairs, as we have dubbed ourselves) came up with the terrific idea of putting together a multi-class reunion to hopefully ratchet up the attendance numbers.  Thus the PDHS Classes of the 80s was created via our collective brain pans.

Great idea, huh??

Yeah, not so much.  Now Big Daddy is thinking he needs to grow his mullet back out in time for our "retro 80s prom."

You know my husband? Big of bone structure, small of head hair follicle ownership?  Yes. Yes.  He thinks a mullet a la Gallagher is something I've been desiring in my only amorous relationship.

This retro 80s class reunion prom idea ain't sounding so fun after all . . . .

The Spaz

Lord knows I love my child.  He is the light o' my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

But . . . .

the kid is a freaking spaz sometimes.  I want to save him from a future of dateless dances and the untold number of "let's just be friends" conversations.  However, that is not for me to do.

We started carpooling this week with a couple of classmates who live nearby.  Seeing as how the school is 18 miles from our area, we country parents try to help each other out when we can.  Since I work full-time, one of the stay at home moms will be available to watch my kid during spring break and other non-school days.  It's a win-win.  Anyhoo, one of these classmates just happens to be a girl and she is in the 2nd grade too.  She is very cute and very sweet and the Bear is very smitten with her.

On the ride in to school this morning, I had to tell him to dial it down no less than three times.  When he is excited and/or overly happy, he completely spazzes out.  He talks too loud and sometimes says the silliest, off-topic comments.  He does karate moves IN his booster seat IN the back seat of the truck. Now that's just plain unsafe.

The classmates will not be riding home with us today due to their mom coming to the school to update paperwork this afternoon that lets everyone know I am allowed to pick them up in the afternoons from now on.  I'm going to take this private opportunity to have a few words with the Bear regarding exuberance control.

Who knows? Maybe I can help him with his future playah skrillz. 

Better Watch Your Kneecaps!

For the most part in the last couple of years, I have tried to stay away from the political stuff.  It is very evident to me that most (not all) of the bloggers I enjoy reading are of a very different ideology than my own.  And while I appreciate different opinions, I don't appreciate the "conservatives are mentally defective and educationally inferior" that so often accompanies the liberal commentary.

With that being said, I'm going to voice my own personal opinion about last week's Komen Foundation debacle.

While I am most definitely ANTI-ABORTION, I am very strongly PRO-CHOICE.  Contradictory, say you?  No, it's not.  I do not agree with abortion.  I fervently wish that such a thing had never ever been enacted by man.  But it was.  Probably hundreds of years ago.  I don't know the beginnings and I, quite frankly, am not interested in reading about something so heartbreaking.

But let's face it, folks.  Abortions happen and they happen all the time.  I won't even get into the whys or justifications.  I'm not here to pass judgment on those who choose abortion.  Being against abortion does not unequivocally mean that I feel it should be outlawed.  Most definitely not.  Because we all know that abortions will continue to happen, either legally or illegally.  I, for one, would rather a licensed medical doctor be performing abortions in a sterile medical facility than some butcher in a back alley with a wire hanger.  Because that is exactly what will happen if pro-lifers get their way.  They actually believe that outlawing something will make it stop.

So it was with some disgust that I watched the mafioso attitude of Planned Parenthood go after Komen when it announced that it would discontinue its charitable contributions to PP.  Wait.  Back it up a bit.  CHARITABLE.  Yes, that's right.  VOLUNTARY.

I don't care about who said what or who did what because of somesuch.  What matters is PP's tactics in basically publicly "kneecapping" Komen into continuing its funding of an organization that it no longer wants to donate to.

"Nice little charity you've got there; be a shame if something were to, uh . . . happen to it."

I appreciate what Planned Parenthood does for our communities.  At one time I was a low-income college student who needed their low cost healthcare and almost free birth control pills.  Chances are good that without PP, I might have found myself with an unplanned pregnancy.  But despite the health services that PP offers, it is acknowledged fact that it does not offer mammograms, for which Komen is this nation's most verbal advocate.

So why the very public lynching of a private charitable foundation by a federally funded organization?  I disagree with PP's words and support Komen's right to donate to whomever it wants.  A right we should all have without penalty.

And as a little side note to all PP's blustering and blathering about Komen's financial withdrawal being tantamount to Komen not caring about poor women's health, I bet most of you didn't know that the average salary of the top eight executives of Planned Parenthood* is $270,000 which makes them officially part of what the Obama administration calls "the 1 percent."  You know, the people who make too much money and should pay more in taxes to spread the wealth.




*Planned Parenthood's target demographic are low income/poverty level women.

Law of Percentages

In previous posts I've shared some the Bear's more entertaining comments and observations.  Even though before parenthood people tell you how funny kids are, one does not fully understand the extent of the hilarity until they give birth to their own little comic.

So these days we are dealing with the normal 2nd grader angst: who is friends with whom, whose birthday is next, why are girls so weird, stuff he wants to do after school, etc.

But lately when we ask him what he wants to eat, does he want to play baseball, does he like his new teacher, the Bear is answering in percentages.

Me: "So you think you want chicken or pizza for dinner?"

Him: "Weeeeelllllllllll, I want chicken 30% and pizza 70%."

Me: "Okay.  So that's a yes on the pizza?"

Him: "No. I think it's 60% chicken and 40% pizza."

Me: "So you want chicken?"

Him: "No I want pizza."

Or this exchange yesterday-

Me: "It's getting closer to time to sign up for baseball.  Are you thinking you want to play again this year?"

Him: "Right now I'm about 85% that I want to play. How much weeks do I have to decide?"

Me: "Probably about three weeks."

Him: "Okay.  I should be at 100% by then."

We have no idea where the percentages came in but I guess it's a good thing that he takes time to consider his options.  Shows some type of patience, right?

Historically Significant

At least in our house it is.

For the first time in the twelve years since we first met, me and Big Daddy are fans of the same team.

Keep in mind we still root for different NASCAR drivers. We have our limits, y'know.

I've been a Patriots fan for about 16 years.  I was a Bledsoe girl before it was cool.  Big Daddy has been a Cowboys (blech) fan his whole life and about 10 years ago he started liking the Colts.  Peyton Manning is his all time favorite player.

But this past season has been a lot of fun for more than one reason.  I enjoyed watching the Detroit Lions make somewhat of a comeback.  I'm an underdog kind of fan.  I want the guy who is expected to lose to overcome and make everybody's pulse rate quicken.  While I was unhappy with Schwartz's (coach) inability to enforce better sportsmanship of his team, I still enjoyed see Matthew Stafford and the rest of the Lions play like they meant it.

The other reason this season was so much fun is because of Tim Tebow.  And if you are an anti-bandwagon kind of person, you may as well stop reading now.  Because we whole-heartedly jumped onto the Tebow Express bandwagon!  And it's not just because of his plays on the field.  It's because of who he is as a human being.

Praise God we finally have a crazy popular athlete that chooses humility and kindness instead of smack talk and poor fashion choices.

I'm a parent to a 7 year old boy who, like 99% of all young kids, watches how adults act and interact with each other.  I see how what he witnesses reflects in how he interacts with others.  And to top it off, the kid is a Broncos fan.  We bought him a jersey and helmet for Christmas about 3 years ago but the only one in his size was Broncos.  We went ahead and got it because, hey! one of Big Daddy's best friends is the son of a former Broncos coach.

So this year found me and Big Daddy both squarely in the Broncos fan base.  It's been pretty great and a lot of fun.  Big Daddy wants a Tebow jersey and so does the Bear.  I'm looking to get hooked up with a Dumervil jersey - due to my maiden name I'm pretty sure we're related some how. ;o)

Since Ellway's straightened up his attitude (or be run out of Denver on a rail!) and given Tebow the props he so rightly deserves, I'm excited to see how next season kicks off.

But for now . . . . GO CARL EDWARDS!!

Crapbooking, er . . . SCRAPbooking

I started scrapbooking about 12 years ago when I fell in love with Big Daddy.  I mean, isn't that what normal people usually do when they fall in love?  Start a new expensive, time-consuming hobby to memorialize their budding relationship?

Actually it started with the wedding and the fact that the scrapbooking craze was in high gear.  We both kind of wanted to do the scrapbook because we loved taking photos of ourselves.  Ok, me not so much.  But Big Daddy loves the camera and the camera is somewhat fond of him with good lighting.

So anyways, I started the scrapbook with our first date - my firm's annual Christmas party - and continued through the next year or so to our wedding and subsequent move to the country.

Then I opened my own store.  Plus got knocked up.

Needless to say, the scrapbooking fell to the wayside.  And anyone familiar with scrapbooking knows that once you fall behind, you will NEVER catch up.  Eight years later and I have a LARGE plastic lidded bin full of pictures and ticket stubs and newsclippings and Bear artwork to keep me busy through a summer of unemployment. But hopefully it won't come to that.

I was pawing through the bin this weekend when I found a couple of small "pre-templated" scrapbooks I snagged at a clearance sale.  One is labeled "Family" and the other is labeled "Travel."  I think these two little boogers may help me get a little jumpstart on clearing out that bin.

Plus I have an almost 8 year old assistant to help me!

Roadtrip to Ruidoso, NM

For the past several years, Big Daddy and I have had good intentions of spending at least part of our Christmas vacation in the mountains of New Mexico.  Since we're down here in southern central Texas, we don't get much of the white Christmas that I love so much.

I grew up in the Panhandle of Texas where the wind blows more than in Chicago and the snows can fall up to 20 inches deep.  Some of my most favorite memories as a kid are those including fun times playing in the snow.  Nevermind that my extremities were numb and my lips were blue.  I loved it.

So this year I was determined to make it happen for us.  I mean, for crying out loud.  My kid is 7 years old and has yet to actually experience enough snow to make a snowball, much less snowboard or go sledding.  With that motivation in mind, we made our plans to travel to Ruidoso for the week between Christmas and New Years.

Despite the 9 hour long travel, we enjoyed every minute of it.  We only had one bad restaurant experience - the food sucked - and lots of fun activities.  We went sledding, snowboarding and tubing.  The Bear is a NATURAL on the snowboard.  I think he only fell over twice and once was because Big Daddy knocked him over by accident.  Big Daddy's snowboarding experience was not quite so positive.  But hey! He tried and I'm proud of that.  Me? I was running the camera.

We also went on a sleigh ride through the Upper Canyon.  The pair of big Persheron (?) Mules that pulled the sleigh were Judy and Jane.  Big sweet beautiful girls.  It was so very cool riding along with the only sound being their clop clop clopping hooves and the jingle of the bells on their harness.  Loved it!

But we did make the decision that we will travel the extra distance next Christmas to have our winter fun in Red River, NM.  It's our home away from home and we really like the way Red River is laid out.  It's very small and everything is within walking distance.  Literally.  Nothing is more than 10 blocks away.

Ruidoso is very spread out and despite our centrally located hotel, we had to travel by auto to almost every place we went.  Not to mention the ski area is about 16 miles outside of town.  We like to park our truck and not get back in it til time to pack up and come back to Texas.

Still. Mountains are mountains and they were beautiful and white and we had a wonderful time.