Tuesday, March 27
As he stood in front of St. Peter atthe Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?" asked the man.
"Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
har har har
Friday, March 23
Now while job offers are no small thing even in the most mundane of professions, this job offer constituted a pretty big deal. In my life. In my current employment. In my husband's elected position. In our church. Pretty much in our whole town.
I won't go into all the gorey details but I will put it in bullet point format for ease of understanding (mainly because bullet points make it easier for ME):
- I currently work in our church office
- I do not make much $$ and there are no health insurance or retirement benefits
- I really love my job and the servant's posture it has allowed me to transition into
- I do not make hardly any $$
- New job pays A LOT
- New job pays for mine and the Bear's health insurance
- New job offers retirement fund
- New job also employs someone who had an affair with a married person
- That someone was also married at the time
- Both couples are members of our church
- Our town is very very very (did I mention) very small
- Ergo there are the "teams" who have picked sides of the affair to be on
- My husband is an ELECTED official
- Certain people on the "teams" might perceive my acceptance of the new job as support for the affairees
- New job is answer to prayer inasmuch as it pertains to income and benefits for my family
- New job is something that my strengths would allow me to be really really good at
- Did I mention how small our town is? If you don't already know someone it's because you're related to them.
So there you go. I am, of course, going to take the new job. It all feels "right" and maybe I am putting too much concern about the soap opera that has been front and center in our town for the past nine months into my deliberations. But my husband and I have tried very hard to walk the neutral line in our community. If we said it once, we said it one hundred times: "It is not our business and we are not going to speculate about ANYONE'S private lives."
See what I get for mentioning my life was uneventful?
I'm gonna try keeping my big yap shut for a while.
Wednesday, March 21
There have been some interesting developments going on in my life and I fully intend on sharing it all out here with you.
Like it or not.
I'll beeee right back . . . .
God, sitting on his throne, addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."
God thinks for a second and says, "Very good. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."
God thinks for a second and says, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right."
Then God addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
She replies, "I believe you're in my chair."
har har har
Wednesday, March 14
But I would like to take this opportunity to just say that I have loved (all the Blogger boogers notwithstanding) my first year out here with everyone in Blogopia. It has been a very rewarding (in terms of friends made and lessons learned) and extremely entertaining (read: hilarious, obscene, humbling, poignant) experience. I am so glad I stumbled, yes, stumbled across Blogger because believe me - - nobody out here in Hicktown referred me.
Given my life experiences and the choices I have made as I've grown older, I have found that I can love some pretty mangy individuals (so long as there is a www between us). And you know who you are. (just kiddin!)
I'm really looking forward to continuing on this journey with all of you.
Tuesday, March 13
So here's a funny from my Dad. He cracks me up.
WILL I LIVE TO BE 80?
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, hiking or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I answered.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said, "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a s**t?"
Friday, March 9
The Democratic National Committee is currently polling Americans through the internet to determine the electability of Hillary Clinton for the presidency of the United States in 2008.
If you would like to show your support for Hillary and encourage her to run for President of the United States in 2008 please add your name to the bottom of the list below and send it on. Please forward and don't break the chain. This poll has been circulating since 1/03/07.
Tuesday, March 6
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till 6:00A.M, but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you ‘til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route marches," which the platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting, I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have w hat they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this place except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter ~ Louise
Monday, March 5
Thursday, March 1
I just did another one of those. It's a pretty controversial topic and it's one of those that NO ONE wants to try to even find middle ground on. It cuts too close to home and the subject matter is an emotional one. If you're like me, if something appears remotely offensive to someone I care about, I'm ready to throw down on somebody, anybody. But if it is even completely offensive to me, I try (at least I hope I do) to get more information and more basis for the position. I'd like to think that I'm at least respectful of others' opinions even when I don't agree with them.
We have so many hot topics in our society these days: politics, war, religion, education, marriage, entertainment.
Like they say out here in Texas, "Swing a dead cat and you're gonna offend someone."