Yo, jLo - check it!

Man, Jennifer Lopez's British fans are cracking me up! I sure would hate to hear what they would say if they weren't fans.

Apparently Ms. Lopez cancelled her appearance last night at a charity premiere in London of her new movie due to illness. But it doesn't sound like her so-called "fans" are feeling any love, or sympathy, for her:

"That thunder butt's off her feed," said Sheila Clarke, who had waited four hours in typically rotten British weather to get a glimpse of Lopez. "She owes her fans better than this. I've got a good mind to sue her arse, but that would take a team of lawyers."

"Backing out of the premier was not an easy decision for Jennifer," said her spokeswoman.

"Indeed," mocked The Sun, "backing out of any place is always a difficult maneuver for Lopez, who ought to consider putting rear view mirrors on her sunglasses."

eeeeeee-youch!

Peeeeeeeeeeee-YEEEEEEEEWWWWWW Reporter

There's a local media "reporter" (at least that's what she calls herself) and how do I put this? Oh, what the hell, the woman frickin STINKS!! And I'm not only referring to her journalistic abilities. You can literally SMELL her from across the room. I ain't lyin.

How do you get a smelly person to understand the extent of their offensiveness? Her appearance not only SMELLS bad but it looks bad, too. Her clothes look as nasty as she smells.

Isn't this lack of personal hygiene a clearcut sign of mental illness? Instead of OCD she gots the BOD (Bodily Odor Dysfunction).

Nasty.

Politics Ain't for Sissies!

I've previously mentioned Hubby's elected official employment status. I've occasionally mentioned the meager income said elected official employment comes with. What I have not mentioned to this point is the up-to-yer-eyeballs level of bulls*** that also comes with being an elected employee of the public.

Before we get started, let me give you a couple of my own observances in bullet-point format:
* The general voting public is a hell of a lot LESS informed than given credit for.
* The general voting public rarely, if ever, puts its brain into gear before revving up its mouth.
* The general voting public absolutely positively REFUSES to be held accountable for any of its actions. There is always somebody somewhere who is responsible but "it ain't me!"
* The general voting public is by and large AMAZINGLY inconsiderate and ungrateful when it comes to the thankless job and lost family time that public servants give of themselves.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not whining about living with the circumstances that we knew we were signing up for. I'm merely voicing my flabbergasted realization about being part of an elected administration. I don't actually work for Hubby's department but I consider myself an integral part of his personal support team. Because let me tell you, folks around here will crawl through broken glass on their hands and knees to make sure you hear something negative before they will dial the phone to repeat something positive. And that is the honest truth.

Personal experience explains why there are so few good people in politics.

Terrorist Gets "SuperMax" for Life

I'm in a bit of a quandary over this one. The southern baptist redneck in me thinks the guy, Zacarias Moussaoui, should get no less than a big ole shot of, er, . . . lethal injection stuff. But then there's the vengeful bitch in me that loves the idea of him being locked up for the rest of his days, in an American prison (hoo hoo hee hee) and being denied his idea of perfection - dying the death of a martyr for his (fanatical) cause.

Don't mistake my opinion expressed herein as any indication that I kept close tabs on the legal wranglings and courtroom press releases regarding this dog turd's trial. I didn't. But my homepage is Yahoo! and invariably every morning I would see the news release headlines which kept me quasi-informed.

So when the headline read "Terrorist Gets Life," it caught more than my attention. It momentarily got my dander up. ("Dander" is redneck terminology for pissed off.) My first thoughts were of all the people who died on September 11, 2001. People just like me who got up every morning and got ready for the day and went to work, probably dropped off their kids at daycare or school on the way. Just like me they stopped and got their morning dose of caffeine to get the blood pumping and the eyes sparkling. They did their jobs, took care of their families, paid their taxes, and rooted for their favorite sports teams. They probably balanced their checkbook every other day, just like me, because they had to keep an eye on the family finances - independently wealthy not being in their vocabulary just like it is not in mine. Then, unlike me, their paths intersected with a group of insane fanatics and their lives were over in an instant.

Then my anger slowly gave way to enlightenment. This guy has been sentenced to his worst nightmare: life in the United States without the freedom or ability to participate in his terrorist buddies' activities. He will not even be able to act as eyes or ears for them. Ergo his usefulness to them is null.

For the first time in a long time (at least since Jeffrey Dahmer) I agreed with the life without parole punishment. Let's face it, we all knew JD's days were numbered once he went behind bars. It was only a matter of time before his skinny white ass was painfully eliminated from that prison's headcount.

At the sentencing hearing, U.S. Judge Leonie Brinkema and Moussaoui shared an entertaining exchange. (I don't know about you but I find it absolutely hilarious when someone who is so completely out of options acts indignant about the predicament they've put themselves in.)

Moussaoui: "America, you lost . . . I won. God save Osama bin Laden - you will never get him."

Judge: "Mr. Moussaoui, when this proceeding is over, everyone else in this room will leave to see the sun . . . hear the birds . . . and they can associate with whomever they want. You will spend the rest of your life in a supermax prison. It's absolutely clear who won. You came here to be a martyr in a great big bang of glory, but to paraphrase the poet T.S. Eliot, instead you will die with a whimper. You will never get a chance to speak again and that's an appropriate ending."

And now, I have saved the best for last. Moussaoui's mama wailed over the fate of her poor baby boy: "Now he is going to die in little doses. He is going to live like a rat in a hole. What for? They are so cruel."

How can I adequately express my gales of laughter after reading this woman's comments? What for?! What for?! I'll tell you what for, you ignorant bitch! It's for the 2,000+ innocent lives lost on September 11, 2001! It's for the parents who lost their children, it's for the children who lost their parents, it's for the wives and husbands who lost their life partners! And I say the same thing to the idiots (INCLUDING THE AMERICAN IDIOTS) who scream about the US shouldn't be in Iraq. Those idiots with their selective memories who conveniently do not mention the September 11th attacks on America whenever they talk about the war on terrorism.

To them I say: Shove your American citizenship up your ass and move to the Middle East. You're not needed nor wanted here.

No means *&#@^! NO!!!

The satellite company called me last night. Trying to hawk some movie channel package for only 12 extra bucks a month. Now I'm not disputing that $12 is a good buy if you are a movie fiend and have no social life outside of your own living room. Plus, it is definitely a good buy if you are a fan of all the old s**t movies they play on these "premium" channels. Oh, let's see. The last time they had a free preview weekend, I think they showed "Dead Poets Society" like 27 times and "VisionQuest" 43 times. You'd think they would show the best movies they had on the shelf for the free preview weekend. The free preview weekends are what convince me (every time) that I made a smart choice to NOT have the "premium" movie channels.

Anyhoo, this satellite company sales flunky asked me if I would just "verify the account" and they'd get those movie channels started. I politely told him, "No thank you. We're happy with what we've got."

Then he started in on me about "well, you can get 2 movie channels for only $5 a month" and just "verify the account" to get the 2 movie channels activated. Again, I politely told him, "No thank you. We've actually seen the free preview weekends and we know we are not interested in the movies that are shown. We're happy with the channels we currently have."

Then, again, he tried to get me to sign up for the Secure Account plan which would pay my bill if anything catastrophic befell me like serious injury, unemployment, tsunami, etc. All I had to do was "verify the account" blah blah blah. I politely told him, AGAIN, that I was not interested.

THEN he attempted to sell a subscription to their program guide for $2.99 a month and all I had to do was "verify the account." I politely told him that we were satisfied simply using the guide out of our Sunday newspaper - "but thank you anyway."

As he obviously began to try to sign me up for something else, I finally gave up the polite act. It apparently was not being effective. "Look, please don't make me get rude with you. I have already told you four times that I am not interested in anything you are selling. I'm perfectly happy with the service that I currently have with your company. If you want to keep me as a customer you'll say, 'Thank you for your time. Good night' right now!"

"Thank you for your time, ma'am. Have a good evening."

geeez Loooooo-uise! I hate it when other people force me into being the bitch!