i-Hilarity

I don't have an iPhone but my boss does so whenever I update his calendar it jacks with me.  Here's a link to a pretty funny site of autocorrect calamity.

Enjoy!

Intolerant Much?

I find myself amused much of the time and without comprehension some of the time.

Even though I am relatively conservative, I still have a healthy respect for the old motto "Live and let live."  Which, for some odd reason, radical liberals tend to think they OWN that motto and the rest of us are barred from using.

I hop around and visit many blogs, most of which are authored by progressive/liberal type individuals.  Why do I do this?  Because they are funny, intelligent, and most times lovely people.  I some times comment on their blogs and it comes as no surprise that more than once we have the "let's agree to disagree" exchange.  I don't comment on their blogs to criticize or elicit an argument or war of words, I just comment because the subject is interesting and, OH MY GAWD, I have an opinion to share.

But along with this blog-traveling comes the inevitable frothing at the mouth rabid anti-conservative person who sees it as their one purpose in life to rant about me and my beliefs as if what they say will have any bearing whatsoever on my life or my views.  Sometimes the outright hatred for me by someone who has never even met me is just straight up incomprehensible.

I'm kinda feeling like Sarah Palin.  Millions of people who have never met her hate her guts.  All she did was have a different opinion.

Go figure.

Flashback: Trent Willmon @ Blue Duck's Ice House

Big plans for the weekend - we are heading to Dallas to see Trent Willmon at Gilley's. Now, we wouldn't be making this trip if things hadn't gone bad the last time we went to see Trent in Llano.

I made the mistake of inviting Ragina and Tammy to join us. At first, things were going good just enjoying the opening act, some cold beverages, and chips with some killer chipotle salsa.

Then things start heading south when Trent comes in. First of all, some idiot sent him into the bar on a horse without rubber shoes. Poor horse was slippin and slidin all over the floor. Once they got the horse up and out, we started commencin to continue to have a good time. After I blubbered to about eight different people "why ain't he wearin' rubber shoes?!!" - - it was obvious that I had reached my limit.

But wait. It gets better. Tammy comes up with the great idea to go drink something out of the trunk of her car. If my brain had been working anywhere near half capacity I would have told her she crazy. But nooooooooooo, she pops the trunk and I'm saying, "Gimme!"

I'm not entirely sure what gorilla piss tastes like but I bet cash money it tastes something like what she had in the trunk of her car.

Needless to say, I got belligerent and obnoxious so my wonderful husband loaded me up and hauled my butt home. Here's where I apologize to him for the verbal assault he took for 34 miles. I love you honey. It won't happen again.

Tammy, he says I can't hang out wit you NO MO.

C'mon, maaaaaaaaaaaaannn!

So I've spent the past week spiffying up the blog and updating and such.  Because I feel a real need to accomplish something since I have had no luck at all on another accomplishment I set out on.

It is really frustrating me because when I set a goal for myself, I usually obtain it because I am willing to work for it.  And the times when it doesn't come to fruition, there are usually very valid reasons and I come to terms with it.

But this one goal I have set for myself I have worked hard for and I have done all I can do but nothing.

All because I'm not buddies with the "right" people.

So True!

Y'all so kRAAAA-zzeeeeeeeeeee!

I can't help it.

I giggle every time I see a liberal pee their pants about Sarah Palin.

All they have to do is see a picture of her or hear her name.

LOL!  it is so frakking hilarious.

Eeeee Eeeeee Eeeeee Eeeeeee!

Caught a little bit o' The Bachelor last night.  I see that kRaZy Michelle is still hanging in there.  You remember her: "It's my birthday. I gotta rose. It's my birthday. I gotta rose. It's. My. Birthday."  I gotta tell ya . . . the producers have to have something to do with the whackos making it through so many rounds.

But.

The crazy makes for good ratings cuz you know how the television audience lurves them some KrAZy!

Weekends ROCK!

Had a great day with the family and cousins today.  Had a delicious lunch at a popular burger joint and then hauled all the kids to an inflatable playground.  They ran around and wore themselves smooth out. Nice.  Maybe Momma will be able to get to sleep in late tomorrow . . .

. . . .pfffft! forget it

Time to face facts: I'm not gonna be able to keep up with blogging about The Bachelor after every episode. Mainly because I have to watch it at work on the computer during my lunch hour and also mainly because I'm just lazy.

OMG! I totally need to catch up!

and I will!!! Soon!

Bachelor Brad 2011: Episode 1, Part 1

The very first thing I am going to do before I get into this first episode is apologize to Brad.  I think the dude is in it fo realz this time.  He put it all out there for us by reminding us what he did to Deanna and Jenny, telling us what he went through afterwards, where is he now, and where he wants to be at the end of the show.  I applaud his inner hard work . . . it could not have been easy.  I hope it pays off for him with a wonderful new lady in his life.

The show opens with Brad pretty much laying his emotional guts on the metal table for everyone to view.  It was hard to listen to but the truth usually is.  Although it was not hard to WATCH because I do appreciate a good pec shot now and again. Especially tanned. With pool water sluicing off as he rises out of . . . uh, oh sorry . .  um . . .  Still, my heart went out to the guy because he is so very obviously on the show for the right reasons this time.  But my generous spirit only goes so far and, as a female, I am skeptical of the motives of any chick on this show.

After he travels back to the Bachelor McMansion and gets his hot sweaty work out on, Brad does a little sit down with Chris Harrison.  ahhh Chris Harrison.  Master of the Romance Reality Show Hosts.  Even ol' Chuck Woolery comes in a far behind second to the suave Mr. Harrison.  Back to Brad's pre-intro to the ladies chat with Chris.  Once they get the "hey duuuudes" out of the way, Chris (via those sneaky conniving show producers) drops a bomb on Brad.  Guess what?!!?!  Deanna and Jenny are here! YAY us! You know, I have watched people "go green" and look like they are about to lose their lunch but the look on Brad's face was absolute sheer terror.  I've only seen the deer-in-the-headlights look on an actual deer in the road but I can now say that I have actually seen the deer-in-the-headlights look on a human.  And it was Brad.

Although Jenny seemed genuinely happy to see Brad and have the opportunity to put a hard life lesson behind her, Deanna looked like she wanted to cut the guy.  And was it just me or did the cameras seem to gratuitously keep reflecting off the engagement/wedding rings of both ex-Bachelorettes? Yeah yeah yeah . . . we get it.  They have moved on. But we're not here for them.  We're here for HIM.  Let's keep it moving . . . we have new ladies to meet. 

Now . . . let's just talk about those 30 special ladies, shall we?  I'm just going to do quick little tidbits about each new Bachelorette as they came out of the limo ('cause that how I did my notes):

Chantal: Aaaaaand let's get it started with a good ol' bitch slap as soon as the first gal to meet him. Frankly, no class with that move. I hope he bitch kicks her to the curb at the end of the night.

Kimberly: Okay, I have no notes about her except "nah" . . . apparently my bag of bbg chips held more interest for me than she did.

Alli: Alli didn't do much better than Chantal with her first remark "I know America hates you." At this rate Brad might not even have TWO worth deciding between. Gawd . . . I hope it gets better.

Ashley S: HERE SHE IS!! Cute little Southern gal after my own heart.  Her first remark (and a good one that I myself have used on the simpleminded cowboy a time or two): "You look like a tall drink of water."  She seems really sweet although I have my concerns about her maturity.

Meghan: I went blank. All I got was BIG ASS FUGLY PINK SHOES.

Marissa: Apparently her whole life revolves around sports and Brad loves her because of it. Gag.  But I did love her dress.

Lindsay:  Lindsay gets high marks because she's from Texas (which automatically makes her GD - geographically desirable) and because she's a redhead.  My little bit of red comes from Mom . . . wish I'd gotten more.

Ashley H: She's a dentist who dances in knee high socks.  I call WINNER.

Raichel: Oh.My.Gawd.  The resident manscaper.  The doofus actually brought her waxing supplies with her to wax something off Brad.  That is just nine kinds of jacked up.  I hope she's gone at the end of the night.

Madison: Here she is, folks.  The one that is going to shoot this series to the top of the Neilsen ratings! Why? you ask.  Because she gonna bring the kRaZy with her what?!?!  yes, with her crazy-ass FANGS.  oy vey.

Melissa: Immediate dislike.  What kind of goober actually runs out of a limo and launches herself into the arms of someone she's never met?  Melissa, that's who! Think she's a few bricks short of a full load.

Rene: Rene gives a good first impression but she did seem kind of lost and looking for her parents.

Cristy:  An attorney from Florida. All she made me think was, "But aren't lawyers supposed to be SMART?"

Jackie: Arrggh.  Awful yellow dress on a very pretty girl. Oh wait. She did the "pinky swear you won't break my heart and I won't break yours."  Again, gag.

Okay.  Break time.  We're only halfway through the introductions but trust me.  It doesn't get better from here.  Wait. That's not true.  There are a couple of good picks coming up but better than there are more that are not.

Can't wait to tell you about 'em!!

The Bachelor 2011: Brad is BACK!

Alas, we find ourselves on the precipice of yet another installment of "The Bachelor."  (happy squeal!)  Just kidding.

I have to first admit that I have not kept up with every single Bachelor/Bachelorette series since they started broadcasting this all-humiliation showcase.  I have just caught enough factoids (similar to hemorroids only less useful) to engage in the trading of smart-alecky comments with others like myself who only watch for the plethora of good comedic material.

Okay, with all that blah blah blah being said, let's dive into "THE BACHELOR: BRAD IS BACK!"

I've decided that I'm going to try to watch as much as possible so that I can fully appreciate the trainwreck that is "The Bachelor." Also, Brad bellying up for a second helping is in and of itself a pretty good punchline.  AND he's gonna have a stable of not 25, but count 'em! 30 lovely I'm-not-here-just-for-15-seconds-of-infamy-but-honestly-looking-for-true-love ladies. AND they're adding a couple more episodes because there is just so much drama and heartwrenching . . . okay, okay, they need the extra episodes due to the added number of women and everybody needs to get their hot tub shots.

So.  Let's sit back and experience Brad getting his romance on. Again.