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Seminole, Texas, United States
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." - Sir Winston Churchill

Thursday, December 15

Hot Crystal & Her Clown: A Christmas Story

I could've sworn I blogged about this particular Christmas memory back when it happened but I can't find it in the archives so . . . . if it's a repeat, keep reading.  It's still funny as hell.

Back at Christmas 2007, my Bear was only 3 years old but already blessed with an impressive and entertaining vocabulary. And to this day he still cracks us up with some of the comments he makes.

But let's go back to 2007.  You'll need a little background since it's been a while and our circumstances have changed.  At the time, Big Daddy was the Sheriff of our home county.  As such, he was well acquainted with the local outlaws and persons of interest.  One of said locals was a young lady (mid-20s) by the name of Crystal Crutcher.*  Crystal was not exactly, shall we say, particular about the guys she got hooked up with nor about her personal appearance and/or hygiene.  Crystal's brother, as luck would have it, married a gal by the name of Crystal, too.  So now there were two Crystal Crutchers.  The second Crystal was actually a somewhat pretty young lady that took care with her appearance and with her two new, um, attributes so generously purchased for her by her new husband, she cleaned up purty good.

So, in general conversation, what's a cop to do in order to keep the regularly tagged Crystal of interest identified separately from the mostly law-abiding attractive sister-in-law?

Well, in telling me about something that the rougher Crystal was involved in, Big Daddy gave her the moniker "Skank Crystal."  One thing led to another and we before we knew it we were referring to Skank Crystal and Hot Crystal, in order to identify them separately.

Shortly before Christmas 2007, Hot Crystal had some yard decorations in front of her house that were of the inflatable and lighted variety.  She had a Christmas tree and a Santa Claus and she also had a big inflatable snowglobe with a snowman inside of it.  Considering the time of year, it was usually coming on dark whenever me and Bear would be driving home from daycare and we always drove past Hot Crystal's house since it was on our route to our house.  Keep in mind also that he referred to the snowman as a "clown" - even though I tried to correct him, he had a hard time remembering "snowman."

So one evening we were driving by and Hot Crystal had not turned on her inflatable Christmas decorations and it was probably the second or third day in row that we drove by and nothing was going on.  Bear, sitting securely strapped in his carseat in the backseat of my truck, asked me why the decorations weren't working.  I distinctly remember saying, "Well, honey, I guess she just hasn't plugged them in yet tonight."


Then suddenly he shouts:


*Actual names have been changed to protect the "innocent until proven guilty but still stupid" regardless of the law's definition.

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